How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatics: Only one (hands already in the air).
Pentecostals: 10 (one to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness).
Presbyterians: None (lights will go on and off at predestined times).
Roman Catholics: None (candles only).
Baptists: At least 15 (one to change the light bulb and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad).
Methodists: Undetermined (whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Churchwide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish).
Nazarenes: Six (one woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy).
Lutherans: None (Lutherans don't believe in change).
Amish: What's a light bulb?
Episcopalians: Twenty-three (Thurifur, crucifer, 10 choir members, two torches, another crucifer, two chalice bearers, an acolyte processing in with the new buib for blessing, deacon, two assisting priests, the rector, thurifur...)
I am an Anglican (To be sung to the tune of God Bless America)
I am an Anglican
I am PE
I am High Church or Low Church
I am Protestant and Catholic and Free
Not a Presby, nor a Lutheran,
or a Baptist, white with foam
I am an Anglican
just one step from Rome
I am an Anglican
so God bless me
Top Ten Reasons for Being an Episcopalian:
10) No snake handling.
9) You can believe in dinosaurs.
8) Male and female, God created them; male and female, we ordain them.
7) You don’t have to check your brains at the door.
6) Pew aerobics.
5) Church year is color coded!
4) Free wine on Sunday.
3) All of the pageantry, none of the guilt.
2) You don’t have to know how to swim to get baptized.
And the number one reason for being an Episcopalian...
1) No matter what you believe, there's bound to be at least one other Episcopalian who agrees with you.
[From Robin Williams, who is an Episcopalian]
A Jew, a Catholic and an Episcopalian were standing at the gates of Hell. Satan came out, and looked them over.
“Why are you here?” he asked the Jew. “I ate pork,” the Jew admitted.
“Okay, come on in,” Satan replied. Then he turned to the Catholic. “What are you doing here?” Satan asked the Catholic.
“I ate meat on Friday, long before His Holiness said it was okay,” the Catholic answered.
“Well, then, come in,” Satan said. Then he looked at the Episcopalian.
“Why on earth are you down here?” Satan asked.
The Episcopalian hung his head in shame as he answered:
“I used the wrong fork.”
Why can't episcopalians play chess?
Because they cant tell the difference between bishops and queens.
Why can you never find just four episcopalians?
Because there's always a fifth.
How do you get bats out of an Episcopal Church's bell tower?
Confirm them.
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