Elementary deduction

Sherlock Holmes and Dr.Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.

Some time later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"So what might one deduce from that?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximatley a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are small and insignificant. Meterologically I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes ?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you moron. Somebody has stolen our tent."

A little poem for Thommy

Up and down on the not so merry-go-round,
There are those who stand and wait while others participate.
It's so easy not to fall in love
But if only fools rush in, what do the angels win?
Too old for playground games,
Wisdom's an old oak trap jealous of willow sap.
Up from under the shame of loss,
Back on the roundabout, only the live ones shout.
The silent might as well be dead.

Style invitational

The Washington Post’s Style Invitational (supposedly) asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:

Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Karmageddon: (read this out loud while bouncing your head between your shoulders and simultaneously chewing bubblegum) It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.